I still keep an actual calendar hanging on my kitchen wall. Each month displays a photograph of a vintage Volkswagen Van (circa: 1970 – 1974). I collect old VW’s in any way, shape or form.
Call it superstition, or an obsessive habit, but I will not allow myself to peek at the next photograph on the calendar until the first day of the month. In some strange way, this keeps life measured and I’m not overwhelmed with what is lying ahead.
Next month, August 4, is my Birthday. Of course, I need no reminder. Not only is it my birthday, but my twin brother’s as well. He’ll be expecting my call, when I remind him each year, that he’s a good three hours older than me!
On August 4, 2021, my brother called me on the evening of our birthdays, very distressed. He was being flown by air ambulance to Kelowna General Hospital for an emergency surgery on his right leg. He had lost feeling in the leg, as well as his foot turning black.
“They’ll try surgery on the right leg tomorrow morning”, he said, “but if that is not successful, they’re talking amputation.”
I was horrified. As I waited for the surgery results, I reflected on many of our birthday celebrations spent at the lake up north where we lived. Water-skiing, camping, and fishing. How could my brother face the possibility of losing his leg?
Sadly, the surgery was not successful and two days later, on August 7, 2021, he lost his right leg. It’s been five years. He has faced further setbacks since then; spinal surgery has left him partially paralyzed.
During the last three years, I have been suffering from a knee injury on my right leg. After trying everything I could, my doctor advised a knee replacement and put me on the waiting list. Of course, it’s been many months. The hospital finally called last week to say: you have been booked for surgery at Kelowna General Hospital, on August 7.
My nervous system heard the news before my ears could even process. August 7, exactly five years to the day that my brother had surgery to remove his right leg. No, I’m not diabetic and in much better health, but even so, the date is highly significant.
It was a trigger, a double date, an anxiety filled anniversary. This can so often be the case as we associate dates with trauma. This is known as the Anniversary Effect: your nervous system can react with sadness, anxiety, or exhaustion before your mind even realizes what date it is.
There is also Anticipatory Stress: The days leading up to the date are often more stressful than the actual day.
The trap of Avoidance: trying too hard to suppress a memory can sometimes make the emotion rebound stronger.
Trying to forget a painful anniversary is hard because the mind and body often remember the date even when you try to block it out. Instead of forcing total erasure, it helps to plan, distract yourself with comforting routines, and show yourself deep patience.
Plan active distractions: Fill the day with engaging, novel tasks or a completely new routine, so your brain stays occupied instead of dwelling on the calendar.
Accept physical reactions: Recognize that a sudden dip in mood or physical exhaustion just might be your body reacting to the date and treat yourself gently when it happens.
Talk it out: Sharing the weight of the date with a trusted friend or professional can diffuse its power over your mind.
I will celebrate our birthdays this year and recognize the synchronicity of August 7 for both of us. Leaning on each other, as we always have, we’ll carry on and continue to heal.
